This past weekend it happened.

I had just finished listening to a “how-to” podcast that was supposed to be for beginners but still spoke in terms that I didn’t yet understand.  Which left me wondering if there’s a pre-beginner stage floating around out there that I’ve somehow never been notified about.

All my husband, Marc had to do was ask, “are you okay?”, and it was unleashed.  A full on emotional breakdown.  Complete with a torrential downpour of tears, a good chunk of a box of tissues, and me yelling at anyone who was within a five-foot range.

(Thankfully we are in the middle of a pandemic lockdown here in California, so that dramatically cut down the number of people inside that range.  So, poor Marc and Oxford.)

The general thought behind this particular breakdown?  I’m so far away from where I think I should be in life.

It’s a thought that’s even more doubt-inducing when it’s coupled with the belief that everyone else is already there.

And yes, helping women move past the idea of not being where they think they should be at a certain point of life is basically my job.  That reality was not lost on me even as I ravaged a box of tissues and railed against my fate as someone who so clearly just doesn’t get it, probably never will, and should maybe quit.

I can be a little, shall we say… dramatic.

And yet it’s totally and completely… normal.

You don’t have to deliver an Oscar-worthy emotional breakdown performance—though they are my personal favorite—to understand that sometimes we struggle.  And when I say “we” I mean a giant all-caps WE, as in everyone.

All too often the only messages we hear, particularly on social media, are “I used to struggle but now I don’t! And I’ll teach you everything I did so you will stop struggling, too!”.  It’s the way online businesses are born, and coaches and virtual experts and teachers are unleashed onto the world.

I should know.  I’m one of them.

But I want to make it clear, none of us—not a single one—have it all figured out.

Not even if we have a perfectly curated Instagram feed, or a business that seems to run like a well-oiled money-making machine.  Not even if we have a family that is annoyingly beautiful and always appears happy.

Not even the people who are telling you how to figure it all out.

Because no matter how much anyone may appear to have it all together, and no matter how encouraging or helpful their words, advice, and teachings may be, they, too, still struggle at times.

To struggle is to be human. And while some people may appear to be success machines, unless they actually get plugged into an outlet to be recharged at night, they’re not.  And if they are then that is some crazy A.I. technology for which I, for one, do not feel prepared.

The real challenge, however, arises when they don’t admit to it.

We live in a world right now that champions perfection.  It’s all about appearances and gusto.  And if you say you are an expert on something, well then, you had better not ever struggle with anything even remotely related to your topic.  And if you do then you need to bury it and pray no one ever learns your truth.  Because if they do then you are a failure.

So, no wonder we are faced with a constant barrage of perfect images, captions, and conversations.  And no wonder we hold ourselves to standards that are not only extreme they are physically and emotionally impossible.

Here’s the honest truth:  you are doing the best that you can.  Is there room for goals and growth and learning?  Hell, yes!  But that doesn’t make you anything short of a normal human being.

So, go ahead, let the emotional floodgates open from time to time.  Because we can’t move forward until we process and accept where we are and what we are feeling right now.

There is nothing wrong with struggling.  Especially once you’ve accepted it.  

You are not alone.